The R-Word

This post was inspired by a friend's post on the same subject.


R unning from your memory.
        emoval from all you once enjoyed.
A llowing yourself to take the blame.
         asking yourself, "Why me?"
P unishing yourself for something out of your control.
        laying it over and over again in your head.
E scalating to self-hatred.
        ssence of all you once were is lost.

Follow-Up

this is a conversation i had with a very close guy friend of mine regarding yesterday's post:

what exactly are you looking for

when you dated or talked to those guys

that influenced that artcle that you wrote?

i am looking for something real

sick of being used for my body

there is a lot of depth to me, and i guess men just don't see it... maybe i just am not portraying myself the way i want

what did you see in them

that made you feel they were worth your time?

i was attracted to them. i think i felt that i had the capability of changing for the better.

but there is no changing them.

everyone has problems

even those that seem to be good to be true.

ugh so you wanted to change them?

they were bad guys?

'bad boy,' archetype?

yea

they were just looking for the physical. i thought i would have an affect on them to make them want more.

well

they tended to be closed-minded. not someone that would have the capability to understand and accept me for my shortcomings.

hmm

i mean what did you see in them?

i saw possibility.

the conversation veered off for a bit, but he got back to the questions...

so were u approached by them

or u did the approaching?

both

what do you want from a guy?

i want open-mindedness, understanding, compassion... someone i can have intellectual conversations with, but also someone who likes to joke around

"Fuck Buddies?" Pass.

gahhh!  I am sick and tired of hearing that men, or should i say boys, JUST want to be "fuck buddies."  Recently, I expressed my dismay to one of my guy friends.  I told him that this "opportunity" that I have been given countless times made me feel used and worthless, that guys view me as having little depth.  He said I should take their pursuit as a compliment.  REALLY?!  A guy SIMPLY wanting to get in my pants is a compliment?!  Will someone PLEASE explain the logic to me in his response?

I will attempt to answer my own question.  So, let me get this straight, I am supposedly good looking ENOUGH for you to want to have sex with me?  One of my girl friends somewhat recently told one of my guy friends that ONLY men lower their standards when they are desperate, if they even have any to begin with; therefore, how am I to look at this and say, "I am so flattered that you want to have sex with me.  What are we waiting for?  Let's get to it!"

I do not know about you (and by you, I mean the rest of the female population), but I have some dignity.  There is FAR more to me than a vagina!

OR... maybe I am not portraying myself correctly.  I am a bit of a flirt, yes; but, that does NOT mean that I want to have sex with you, especially just for the sake of having sex.  That is NOT me whatsoever, so do not get it twisted!

la introducción

yoyoyo yiggity yo.  this first post will just give you a snapshot of what is to come.  my name is felicia.  i am a student of philosophy and psychology.  i am a spelling nazi, and i overuse commas.  whatever else you wish to know about me, feel free to ask.

this blog will feature me writing out of my ass OR whatever comes to mind, you choose.

¡adiós!